Don't we just about always want to put anything about our friend's affair, our baseless beliefs, our offensive behavior, our mother's excessive drinking, our mundane occupation, our state's motto, our struggling children, our team's losing effort, our hometown gossip, our rejected credit card, our church's split, our senator's hypocrisy, our uncle's prison time and our being caught in a lie be seen in the best light? Well, of course we do. Appearance is everything. We usually assume if it touches us, it reflects on us.
Mark Twain said that man is the only creature who blushes or has a need to. Embarrassment can't be fatal; it just feels that way. The basic instinct is to survive but the process can vary so much that it's confusing at times. The embarrassment you feel from what others have done or said is nothing compared to what you do or say. One only hopes that someone else does or says something that draws the attention away form you, which is always an unloving but necessary wish.
People usually understand when you're not directly involved, especially if you can put a good spin on it or minimize the connection. "We only slept together a few times; it didn't mean anything."
But all too often, it's you who has caused the embarrassment. It's you who feels ashamed. It's you who has to live through what can't be taken back or undone. It's you who has to apologize or blame it on getting no rest, being under a lot, and I mean a lot, of stress or the usual of drinking or drugging, or both if it's a particularly bad offense. But that one gets you 30 days in rehab in order to really pull it off.
1. The Event - The original occurrence, faux pas, misstep, bad choice, drunken rant, pick of the nose, zipper down, toilet paper on shoe, breakup or fight in pubic, voiced prejudice, any number of things you forgot or forgot to do, buffeted sexual advance, doing same thing that you condemned in others, and heavy vomiting after bragging about how much you can drink.
2. The Witnesses - Those you could care less don't factor in here so pray they are the only witnesses. But all to often it's witnesses who take great delight, who are deeply offended, or who are just glad it wasn't them but still can't wait to tell someone. Like in an accident, there's several different versions of what was seen or heard, so quickly confirm the one with the least culpability.
3. The Response - Well, it's going to more than a silent fart where everyone pretends it didn't happen. First they have to decide if it's Horror or Humor or both. Here of course, one person's humor can be can be another person's horror. Embarrassment is measured on the red scale from Light Pink-can almost laugh at self, to Fire Engine Red-where can I hide to Deep Puce-suicide starts to look good.
4. The Telling - Being the first to tell others of the embarrassment is perhaps one of life's best moments. Just to see the expressions is worth the enthusiasm used to tell about it. Telling is always followed up by analysis, judgment and an overwhelming sense of superiority. Chances are that the next person you go to tell will have already heard.
5. The Retelling - This usually depends on the severity. Here you just hope that someone does or says something far more embarrassing but you'll be glad to settle for only a little more embarrassing if it gets the attention away from you. In the retelling the event now has a life of it's own and will soon evolve to the story that's always told again and again if left to go it's natural course.
6. The Permanent Damage - This varies but no one knows why. If you do enough embarrassing things some are bound to be forgotten or barely recalled when someone kindly recounts the event. Somethings are just there and you've dealt with them so you're not that upset by remembering the fateful incidences. But there's that collection of embarrassments that if recalled for any reason are lived all over again. Chances are they are not the biggest mortifications. Certain things just get into the crawl as they say. For me, some in this category were things said or done where I didn't see the embarrassment at the time but later when I did, I felt horrified by how I could have been so unaware.
7. The Test of Time - Time will either ease or compound the embarrassment. Fortunately, most do enough of really good things that any negativity from previous embarrassments don't or can't define them, mainly because others don't want to be defined that way themselves. But there are some who, fairly or unfairly, cannot escape a particular label with their name or at least shortly afterward. Something like this, "Oh you must mean way back in 2015, the reverend who had the Ashley Madison account."
Regardless of the foul, shortcoming, humiliation, ignorance, exposure or egg on your face, we want it to be seen in the best light if at all possible. Some are really good at explaining away the misdeed. Giving the right spin can change the intensity and the perception. And it's just not the politicians. But for most, the usual is having to one way or the other live with all the direct and indirect embarrassments of life.
What I don't quite understand is that embarrassment comes from getting caught or being seen or heard like when the person you're talking about is right behind you. How embarrassed would we otherwise be? We're okay with it as long as we don't get caught. Perhaps we sell ourselves on some kind of spin that excuses or justifies what we are doing or thinking. I think somewhere in the mix of things not known by anyone other than yourself, there isn't enough light to make them any different than what they really are.
You can send a list of things you wouldn't want anyone to know about your real self to prairiepage@gmail.com. Analysis and judgment will be provided by request.
6. The Permanent Damage - This varies but no one knows why. If you do enough embarrassing things some are bound to be forgotten or barely recalled when someone kindly recounts the event. Somethings are just there and you've dealt with them so you're not that upset by remembering the fateful incidences. But there's that collection of embarrassments that if recalled for any reason are lived all over again. Chances are they are not the biggest mortifications. Certain things just get into the crawl as they say. For me, some in this category were things said or done where I didn't see the embarrassment at the time but later when I did, I felt horrified by how I could have been so unaware.
7. The Test of Time - Time will either ease or compound the embarrassment. Fortunately, most do enough of really good things that any negativity from previous embarrassments don't or can't define them, mainly because others don't want to be defined that way themselves. But there are some who, fairly or unfairly, cannot escape a particular label with their name or at least shortly afterward. Something like this, "Oh you must mean way back in 2015, the reverend who had the Ashley Madison account."
Regardless of the foul, shortcoming, humiliation, ignorance, exposure or egg on your face, we want it to be seen in the best light if at all possible. Some are really good at explaining away the misdeed. Giving the right spin can change the intensity and the perception. And it's just not the politicians. But for most, the usual is having to one way or the other live with all the direct and indirect embarrassments of life.
You can send a list of things you wouldn't want anyone to know about your real self to prairiepage@gmail.com. Analysis and judgment will be provided by request.
